haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
