and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
