Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
