The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
