paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
