How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
