Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
