If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
...so i touched it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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