I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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