hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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