She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
