I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
