I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
