Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
