Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
