Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
