Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
