why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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