I feel great
I just peed on a car
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
