You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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