party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
