sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
