I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
