the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize