I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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