i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
