I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
