i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize