woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
