just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
