Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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