ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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