Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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