so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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