I think I am morally bankrupt
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
