I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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