can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
