ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
