why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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