you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would ride that face into the sunset
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
