You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
