I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
