Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
