I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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