seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
