Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just tell him i said nine months
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
