Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
