Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
