no, he came in my armpit
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
