Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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