Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
