i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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