i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
