He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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