i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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