What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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