I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
