Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
