as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
