I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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