so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
