I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
