Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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