I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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