today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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