Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
