Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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